"Let me tell you something about Mao Zedong. We were best friends in the Comintern. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in 1959, I started hanging out with American presidents, who were totally gorgeous except when they refused to leave West Berlin, and Mao was like, weirdly jealous of them. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Ike, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to Washington?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me? Also Ike wants to know if you’ll free those prisoners now.” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-Party member corn festival, I was like, “Comrade, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a Stalinist.” I mean I couldn’t have a Stalinist at my corn festival. There were gonna be peasants there uncollectivized. I mean, right? He was a Stalinist! So then his ambassador called my ambassador and started yelling about Marxist revisionism, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of the alliance because no one except Enver Hoxha would talk to him, and then when he came back in the fall for the 22nd Party Congress, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird."

belaboobs:

IS THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND SERIOUSLY PROTESTING AGAINST THE REDEFINITION OF MARRIAGE

I MEAN

(via sabbatic)

if you’re ever having problems with a boy just remember that at least he never converted his entire country to protestantism just to break up with you

(Source: goshdoka, via bridgettepls)